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Wednesday, February 7th, 2001
12:48 am - I am sorry about the abrupt end to my previous posting.
I believe that I was speaking in my previous utterance about my experiences using NETSCAPE, a clearly inferior product to MICROSOFT INTERNET EXTERMINATOR.
EXPLORER!! I meant Explorer.

Yes, the vile NETSCAPE causes your virtual memory to be sucked down the drain, much as a toilet flushes the $1,000 bills LORD GATES uses for wiping. Why?

It is an INFERIOR PRODUCT. As is the browser OPERA, or the OS LINUX, which is named after the thumb-sucking blanket-holding LITTLE BABY in the
Charlie Brown comical strip. Are you a little thumb-sucking blanket-holding LITTLE BABY? Oooh, then why you like the widdle penguin so much, BABY?

USE BUT MICROSOFT PRODUCT! USE IT as if it were your GOD! For someday, and that day may come SOON, IT WILL BE YOUR GOD!

MWA-HAHAHAHAHA!
I mean--not "mwa-hahaha," but "Have a nice day." For I am your friend--umm, what's the name--oh yes, your friend "Monkeymaniac."

All contents copyright 2001 Microsoft.
I MEAN--HAVE A NICE DAY!!

(fucking lousy crashing OS!
I MEAN--OH GOD! REDMONDEMONS, crashing through the ceiling! OH GOD NOOO DON'T MAKE ME REBOOT!! NOOOOOOOoooo

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12:24 am - WHAT A BAD COMPOTER DAY!
yes, bad! since last night all my virtul memry was gettin all eated by my compoter! NO REALLY, ITS TRUE! so i was spending all my time today trying to find out why (I am the HACKER GEEK MASTER, btw!!) & i delete this & delet that, & finally figure out it netscape doing it!! so this is why I tak so long to post tonight.

but you dont wanna here bout that! here the REALLY IMPORTANT NEWS!]

I taught StarBRAK as we now calling him how to go MEOW! so he really fool my mom! OK, it sounds more lik "mEEEEEEEEK!!!EEEEEEK!!ow." but it still fools her! next im working on his purr.

I have now 2 HOTTIE GRILFRIENDS!! YEH BOII! both Vyn AND Luna want me so bad!! they say I can hav no more than 2 grilfriends, but if I count them both as .5 grilfriends, I can skweeze in 2 more! WRIT ME BECCA!!! I got 1.0 room still left!!!

Iron Ball came bak to school today! he was with the other students from his neighborhod. they all walked real stiff & stared funny at us with big unblinking eyes. they kept blowing their noses in their HANDS which were covered in orange snot & trying to TOUCH us with them! GROSS! i dont know what was up with that! the schol nurse made them go home.
they also talk in rhime which was weird. Iron Ball can writ poettry, but he never just walks around saying stuf lik:
"We are the COLLECTIVE,
Please be our friends!
Shake hands with ORANGE SNOT,
The god that never ends!"
WEIRD!!!!

it turn out that the problem with my compoter was Netscape lik I said! i told Mikey that cuz hes geeky, & he laff & say that maybe Bill Gaits wants me to use MS Exploiter instead! I try it it & it SUX lik STUPID FUX!! I HATE MICROSoooffff

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Monday, February 5th, 2001
4:41 pm - HEY HOTTIE GOVYNDA IT WORKD!!!
yeh BOII! my m,om totally fell for the cat disguise! good thing I put it on Starbuck last night bcuz he woked up real early & was eating food from Mr Purryface's bowl whne my mom saw him!

"Wahts this ugly cat here for! You took in a stray didn't you Justin!" she was saying.

"Yeh, mom, he looked so sad. and ugly! we should give him a good home, I know I shoulda tole you erlier but I was afraid you say NO! but he is so good freinds with Purryface! Mr P needs a freind too you know!!"

I know my mom & her thing for cats & she kinda sighed, then smiled & said OK! THIS ROX lik BRITNEYS BOX!!

she said he was real funy looking, I wonder what kind cat he is! I say, he's that new cat-monky breed called a "Short-haired Brak" that is needing to eat a blend of Littl Friskies & Purina Monky Chow & ocasionally some beans.

Starbuck climbed on my moms lap & I was scared he do some monky thing lik crap on her then throw it at the TV, but he just try to pick nats from her hair & she laughed. KEWL! she said he is so monkyish maybe we should call him StarBRAK!

Iron Ball, I hope you arent to sick to read this! You weren't the only 1 who call out sick today, every student in yor neighbrhood has the Orange Snot Cold including there parents! no big deal, we got half a day cuz of the snow anywey.

HEY DUDE READ THIS! itll make you smile! I so want to get a gorilla next time! cuz i lik Orange soda too!!!

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Friday, February 2nd, 2001
11:41 pm - THIS SCARED THE SHIT FROM ME!!! NOT LITERALY, BUT I SURE WAS CLOSE! I MEAN, I DIDNT SHIT MY PANTS!
JESUS CHRIST!!!! O GOD IM LIK SHAKING HERE IT WAS SO SCARY!!!!!
IM LIK GOING TO FIND A PLACE THAT SELLS CAT SUITS THAT WILL FIT MONKEYS &
sorry! I got yelld at many tims for using all caps in chats but i shaking here!!!

I was going to find a place that sell cat suits for monkeys at PetCo when the clerk gets all nervus when I ask & says, "Uh, you need to talk to to, the manager, uhh, he has special deals on that" & theres lik a gallon of sweat on his fourhead & he looks lik hes gonna barf lik any second, but I think "boy that must be SOME SPECIAL DEAL!" so I go into the room wear he says the manger is.

HOLY SHIT this guy in a suit with sunglasses just lik in "M.I.B." is there with all his cronys! and they all point GUNS, REAL BIG ASS GUNS LIK CHARLTON HESTON MITE POINT AT YOU, & he screams "WHERES THE LEMUR!! U FUCK!! TELL US WHERE THE LEMUR IS!!""

HOLY SHIT, I think, & NEARLY DID! but I was lucky I just farted.
The guy is waving this huge gun in my face & screming, "YOU KNOW WHERE THE LEMUR IS YOU LITTLE SHIT! YOU GIV HIM UP OR--Christ! Who cut that fart? Ramirez! You & your Spic food! You cut it!"
"FUCK YOU" says this hispanik guy. "Who was eating pizzas & beer all the way down from the beltway?! NOT ME GRINGO!"
"hey, you always blame everyone but you, asshole!" says this really big, i mean BIG, black guy. "and dont start no collard green jokes lik last time you NAZI! Dont tell us how to do our jobs, you just became our boss last week cuz your a Texas frat boy freind of President Cokehead!!"

then theres all this screaming at each other, i guess theres lik some interdepartmental stress thing here lik my mom's always so stressed about at her job, & while they scream I do some fast thinking about the words "me" & "lemur" & think NO WAY will I rat out any freinds!!

than the nazi white guy in charge whirls & SLAPS ME ACROS THE FACE!!! IT HURT!!!
"TELL US ABOUT TH E LEMUR!!!" he shrieks all loud!!
I just got so scared I say some address in my head! U WOULD 2!!
Than they all left, still arguing & the hispanik guy actually tripped the nazi & he almost fell! the black guy laughed at that & i wouldve too if I werent still farting from fear!!

I FORGOT WHAT ADDRESS I SAID!! DONT WORRY, IRON B--i mean "MR X," IT WASNT YORS!
SHIT I WISH I COULD REMBER WHO'S!!

I have to sneek my underware into the washing machine now befor mom sees it.

(17 comments | comment on this)

Thursday, February 1st, 2001
9:32 pm - IM FAMUS NOW!!
I bet I be famus now, cuz this guy called "thoughtviper" put a link to me on his page!! he write me saying that "Your writing is so inciteful, it makes me feel as if you're reading my mind!" I write back, 'I cant read your mind! I didnt bring my MICROSCOP!!' & he write back "LOL!" Then he write that his page was a Yahoo pick of the yeer & a crull Sight of the day so I can expect mor hits. I said 'you mean Y'OO PICK YOUR ASS ALL YEER & your a crull sight of the DORK!' but he didnt write LOL next email. he said "Don't fuck with me, Junior!" but Iron Ball saya stuff lik that to me a hunderd times a day so i think it man he liks me.

I NEED ADVICE! no, not in dealing with HOTTIES! I know how do that! if anyone has ideas on how I should tell my mom about Starbuck, pleas coment. its really starting to stink in here!

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Wednesday, January 31st, 2001
8:55 pm - WE KICK SINGAPORAN ASS!
Here is the log of our chat with the guy who sold Iron Ball a lemur insted of a monky! Mikey did the transcrip THANX MIKEY!

Welcome to #monkey at DALnet

MONKEYMAINIAC has logged in.

SATANROX: What took you so long!!

MONKEYMAINIAC: my isster was on the good compoter I made her go onto the 133. wares the singapore guy

SATANROX: not hear hes prly all fagged out from FEAR OF IRON BALL Z!!!

MONKEYMAINIAC: YEHHH!!! WE WILL DESTORY HIM!

SATANROX: YEAHHH!!!!

AH CHIMP has entered the room.

SATANROX: YOU DOG COCK SUKKING ASSHOLE FULL OF DEAD BABY SHIT BARF!!!

AH CHIMP: Who is this havoc lah!

MONKEYMAINIAC: Sorry Ah Chimp! its me monkeymaniac but i gues U C that.

AH CHIMP: Ah yes the American man with the 2 monkeys ordered. They were shipped on time you?

SATANROX: JUST 1 MONKY YOU FAT GAY FAG ASS-CHEWING FREAK!

AH CHIMP: Who is this terok person lah! I will not stay in room with this!

MONKEYMAINIAC: Iron Ball SHUT THE FUCK UP! this reqires diplommacy!
Sorry Ah he is my freind & not happy wityh the lack of monky in his shipmnt.

TANMAN69 has logged in.

TANMAN69: N E HOTTIES HERE?

SATANROX: THERES A FAT ASS DONKEY BLOWING SINGAPORAN WHO SOON BE DEAD! YOU CAN FUCK HIS CORPSE WHEN WE DONE WIT HHIM!!!!!!

TANMAN69 has left the room.

MONKEYMAINIAC: SHUUUUT UUUUUPPP BRANDON!!!

AH CHIMP: I see your friend is not happy but theres no need for such obiang talk lah!

SATANROX: LEARN TO SPEL ASSHOLE THERES NO WORD OBIANG! & STOP YOR LAUGHIN AT ME & ITS SPELL 'LOL' OR 'HAH' NOT 'LAH' YOU IGNERANT FCUK!!!

MONKEYMAINIAC: dude its SINGLISH hes speekin! I tol you 2 look at that site B4 the chat NOW SHUT UP!
Ah, lik I said he did not get enough monkey in his package.

AH CHIMP: Were they anything that ....looked like a Chinese illegal immigrant in box? Possibly not breathing very much?

MONKEYMAINIAC: ????

AH CHIMP: NEVER MIND!

SEXYBOY25101 has logged on

SATANROX: I DIDNT GET A CHIMP OR MONEY I GOT A LEMUR!!

SEXYBOY25101: U GOT A LEMUR? I GOT A BIG WANG 4 N E SEXXXXY BABES IN HEAR!!

SATANROX: I GOT A FUCKING CHAINSAW FOR YOR TINY WANG SHITWIPE! U WANNA HAND JOB FROM **SATAN**!!!! I GIVE U 1 U FCUKING WEASEL DONG LIKKING PEICE OF HIPPO POOP!

SEXYBOY25101 has left the room.

AH CHIMP: mr SATANROX, please be calm all will be made shiok--I mean, very excellent for you. Are you want the chimp, not lemur, correct?

SATANROX: YES GOOD DETECIVE WORK SHERLOK!!!

HOTAPELUV has logged on.

AH CHIMP: I am very humble in my apology. This is all from the kayu Indonesians my brother use to ship monkeys. They are from very violent havoc country and make the mistakes too often for my liking!!
This is very simple fix. You send back lemur, we replace with monkey free of no shipping charge!!

HOTAPELUV: anyone luv monkeys here?

MONKEYMAINIAC: YEH ME I LOVE MY MONKY TO PIECES!!!

HOTAPELUV: thats BEAUTIFUL! Monkeys are beautiful, delicate creatures that need *just the right treatment*! IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

MONKEYMAINIAC: OH YEH I DO! I brush him fur every night & he sleep with me!

AH CHIMP: Mr SATANROX, do you hear my offer?

HOTAPELUV: I have several that I sleep with! They're very smart & easy to train to do anything!! **ANYTHING**!

MONKEYMAINIAC: wow it so KEWL to meet a nother monky lover lik me!! some people think Im crazy!

HOTAPELUV: I get that all the time, too! But you're not crazy, you're DIFFERENT. You just love monkeys!

MONKEYMAINIAC: D00D, I totally here you!

SATANROX: send the lemur back?

HOTAPELUV: monkeymaniac, I would like to send you some info on our organization.

MONKEYMAINIAC: KEWL! a hole bunch of monkey luv? SEND IT D00D!

AH CHIMP: yes, you send lemur back, we replace with chimp or howler monkey as your choice! No charge, good smiles for all!

HOTAPELUV: LOL, a "HOLE bunch of monkey luv"!! Ever hear of NAMMLA?

MONKEYMAINIAC: no

HOTAPELUV: It's the North American Man-Monkey Love Association. Interested?

MONKEYMAINIAC: Am I? YEHHHHH!!!

SATANROX: cant u jsut send me a new monky?

AH CHIMP: No, Mr SATANROX. That is bad business lah! It hard enough to sell any lemur, not just a USED one!

SATANROX: FUCK THIS SHIT!! DED IN HELL SATAN LEMUR WILL NEVR LEEVE MY SIDE!!

AH CHIMP: Yes, now is not so solong! Some like the lemur. "Cute" they call them. I will charge you no shipping if you like on a new monkey. This is special bargain rate! I can charge no less; bad business lah!

SATANROX: i cant afford both a monky & a lemur

AH CHIMP: That is sad to hear. Perhaps you decide to send back lemur and get monkey, or keep lemur.

SATANROX: FCUK YOU ASSHOLE NO 1 UNDERSTAND ME LIK DED IN HELL SATAN LEMUR! U JUST WANT TO TAK HIM AWAY FROM ME!! FCUK FCUK FCUK YOOOOOOO!!!

SATANROX has left the room.

MONKEYMAINIAC: wow what was with that! you'd think that lemur was Limp Bizkit or a hottie or somthing. jsut a week ago he told me how much he hates evrything that lives.

AH CHIMP: Let him know that offer stands if he changes his mind. Let me know if you need anything else, monkeys, orangutangs, Chinese immigrants, mail order brides etc.

AH CHIMP has left the room.

HOTAPELUV: Lemurs? That's just SICK!

MONKEYMAINIAC: will u send me the info?

HOTAPELUV: Oh, you'll be hearing from me. Believe me, you will!

HOTAPELUV has left the room.

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Monday, January 29th, 2001
6:05 pm - We R gettin ready for our STELL CAGE MATCH with the INDONESIEANS!
Im sorry this stupid jornal lost Iron Balls pic of his monk\\\LEMUR which is now here



we need it here to show that Singaporeian guy that DED IN HELL SATAN LEMUR is a LEMUR not a APE like he was suposed be!!
we will be in a chat rom soon with this dick! WE WILL KICK HIS ASS SO HARD!! wish us luck cuz IRon Ball is really upset! HE RELLY WANTED A MONKEY NOT A GAY FAG LEMUR!!
my sister wants to adop Iron Balls lemur but he just mumbl;es somthing about his "new best friend" when she asks. i think thats dum my sister is so girlie she has Hello Kity bedsheets so it wouldnt matter if a lemurs gay & giving her the lemur might score Iron Bal points with her friend Toneeshaah who he thinks is a Hottie cuz she kinda is I guesss, but shes my sisters freind & that kinda makes me feel gross. plus she is black & my mom has big porblems with that but NOT ME CUZ HOTTIES R HOTTIES no matter what there race or color or if there jewish like Rachel Steinberg in my histry class who is SOOO HOT or even if they Lesbeans!!
whoa, that is profound of me to say that! I think Starbuck is opning hole new thoughts from me! did you hear that HOTTIES!

tomorow we will KICK SINGAPORAN ASS!!!!

PS NEW YORK GIANTS: YOU R SO GAY!!! U SUCK U LOSERS I WILL NEVR WATCH U PLAY FOOTBAL AGAIN U FAGS!!!

(32 comments | comment on this)

Sunday, January 28th, 2001
4:01 pm
Boy I gotta admit that Iron Ball is rite monkeys sure lik Purrina Monky CHow!! he almoslt ate IB's hand with the Chow! so I went to the pet store & bought like a bag. I asked if they had Gorilla Chow so he would get really bigger than other monkeys but she said you had to work at a zoo & i would so go steal some from the zoo but the neerest zoo is Brooklyn & thats a long way to pedal yor BMX, its lik a 100 miles at least. Iron Ball says 'Just steel your mons car its that hard to drive even if you havnt had lesons' but Im in enough shit with her anyway. no matter how much you scrub, you cant get the monkey smell out. I keep using her aromatherapy thing but now I have to go buy more of THOSE before I use thewm all lik I did her vitamns.

I am so sick of the poporee smell. I rather smell the monkey. I hope they have insense smells like 'WWF Ring' or 'BRitneys Panties' cuz Im gonna gag worse than when I lean out the window & smell 4 days of monky shit that I threw in the garden. i bet mom will have a diferent opinion of monkys when she sees how grate her flowers grow in the spring!!

I have to go watch the Supre Bowl with my monky now!! GO GIANTS!!

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Saturday, January 27th, 2001
2:46 pm
ok so my mom gets home & Mr Purryface is pretty much not got choclate on him, THANK YOU STARBUCK U R THE GRATEST MONKEY FOR LIKING HIM CLEAN!! he also has no mor e fleas cuz Starbuck ate those too. he also ate all the bananas & all the Cocoa Puffs & the Cheerios & that fiber stuff Grandma eats when she sytays over & also a bag of flour & just my stipud luck whts the 1st thing mom does? YOU GOT IT SHERLOK, she wants COCOA PUFS WITH BANAANAS!!!! She dosent know yet that I have a monky!

"Where are the cereal!" she yels. and I say i ate them, what do you want i'm a growing boy & need my proteen & she says that I dont need that much sugar if you want somthing sweet why not eat a banana--OH GOD! DID YOU EAT ALL THE BANNANAS TOO! I NEED MY POTASIUM!! so I say have a vitamin then before I think OH FCUK! He ate all those too!!

so know shes REALLY mad, cuz she thinks I ate all the vitamns like i did a few months ago trying to get high (It dosent work, ypu just get sick & your shit turns orange) & so OF COURSE she says "you just like yor father!" & I say "SHHHYeah, if i was like him I'd get a girlfreind 20 years younger than me, but thatd make her like minus 5 years old or something.' was that the wrong thing to say!!!

but it worked out cuz she got all pissed & tolled me to go to my room, & when she did she yelled "& clean your room up, it smells like a monkey house in here!!" holy crap she was so close to finding out it was scary! plus while she was yelling I stole some Lil Friskies which I think Starbuck will eat since he eats cat fleas which eat cats so must taste lik cat food.

I will tell my mom about my monkey soon, but Im sesntive to womans feelings espeshully if there hotties so I will have to bild her up slowly.
but not too slowly. shes gonna notice all that monkey shit ive been throwing out my bedroom window eventually.

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Friday, January 26th, 2001
9:04 pm - OH YEH MY MONKEY
I got all distractd by ALL THE HOTTIES WRITNIG ME (not YOU, Iron Fag Ball!! DONT U CALL ME GAY ON MY PAGE OR ILL DELET YOR PSOSTS YOU FAG!) I forgot to talk about STARBUCK the monkye which is why I have this Jornal in the frist place!!

He is gettin stronger now that he has lots of Cocoa Puffs to eat also some of my moms vitamins, like Centrum & Theragram & Motrin. i thought he wouild like coffee since he was in that Starbucks box be he didnt lik the smell porbably cuz he was in the box so long coming here from Indonesa WHICH HAS NO INDIANS IRON BRAIN YOUR THINKING OF ARIZONA!!

my mom isa so toatlly thriled that we have a pet monkey! she misses her cat who ran away after SOMEONE WHOSA IDIOT SATANIST WANNABE tryed to paint him with black paint so he would look more evil BUT HE JUST LOOKD SAD & WET IRON DORK!! i dont know why I hang out with him, Hotties Luna & Vyn, so dont blame me for his aminal crulety. actaully he ran away yeterday so maybe hes not lost just hiding when he hears fuckin Marilin Manson music coming from SOMEBODYS WALKMAN.

oh I kmnow I hang with him cuz he has no freinds & that is sad, which shows i am sesntive to chick feelings. this comes from Listening to Britney music, which is about feelings & stuf. and not gutting babies for your stupid Dark Lord & wearing black like those stipud goth kids that SOMEBODY always maks fun of when HES REALY NOT THAT DIFERENT! I am to sesntive to chick feelings especailly those on the Intrnet who I dont know much about yet so they may be goth. i never make fun of the goths exept the boys who wear makeup but there asking for it I think.

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Thursday, January 25th, 2001
7:51 pm - I AM EXCITED ABOUT MY NEW MONKEY!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a MONIKEY at last!!! Ive always wanted a monkey, & I found this place where you can get them! I cant say where, but its in Indonisia & they want cash in American cash befor they send you the monkey.

He was very tired looking when I got him, porbably cuz the didnt cut holes in the box he came in so as that noone wood know that they were mailing you monkeys. It was a Starbucks box from East Timor, where they have monkeys. I am going to name him STARBUCK, aftr the box and my most favrite Battlestar Galactica actor. (He was to become "Face" in A-Team for you trivia bufs!!)

Right now he is eating bananas that I cut up & put in a bowl of Cocoa Puffs. this i the cerial that has a monkey for its guy in the ads, so it must be good for him.

I will tell you more on my monkey soon!

(12 comments | comment on this)


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